positive strengths in caring, personal relationships
Human strengths are positive traits shown in caring, personal relationships. Traits such as love, kindness, and social intelligence. The strengths of humanity have the power to put others before ourselves. Self-sacrifice, for example, whether on the battlefront or front lines in a pandemic.
Goals
To critically assess …
- The meaning of love, kindness, and social intelligence
- How these virtues inspire others, such as tact and courtesy
- Ways related words of wisdom guide appropriate action
- How to resolve realistic scenarios based on wisdom in the topics
Love
Love is a reciprocal relationship of sharing and acceptance, based on cooperation not conflict.
Conflict is an unsettling, disagreeable situation.
- For a traveling salesperson, for instance, the need to be on the road may conflict with the wish to be home with family more often.
- The size of a person can be measured by the size of that which makes one angry.
Truce is better than friction.
- Fighting proves who is stronger, not who is right.
- The time to win a fight is before it starts.
Contribution is giving of oneself, such as time, effort, or possessions.
- For instance, customers contribute change to a charity whose collection box is beside the cash register.
- The person who complains loudest has usually contributed the least.
A cause is only as important to you as your contribution.
- Insist it is impossible, but don’t interrupt those of us getting it done.
- It is not the hours you put in, but what you put in the hours.
Devotion is loyalty and fond concern for the welfare of another person or cause.
- For example, a caring dog breeder is devoted to every pup of every litter, ensuring they only go to the suitable homes.
- Outward expression reflects inner experience.
Devotion accepts that relationships have ups and downs.
- We like someone because — we love someone although.
- To look for opportunities to hate is to miss opportunities to love.
Confidence is having trust, being able to rely on someone or something.
- For example, a novice trapeze artist has more confidence in trying a risky routine when there is safety net below.
- Sometimes confidence comes from going it alone. After all, mistakes made by many remain mistakes.
Initiative yields success yields confidence yields initiative.
- To escape criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
- To lead a symphony one must occasionally turn a back to the crowd.
Respect is displaying esteem or showing care and concern for the welfare of someone or something.
- For example, a coffeehouse prints on the bottom of their cups “respect the environment: recycle or reuse.”
- She comes from a culture where elders are respected for their role in ensuring the family line.
Disrespect expands according to our willingness to endure it
- No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Some people spell service as “serve us.”
Yearning is a feeling of longing or desire.
- For example, after days adrift on the sea, the castaway had a deep yearning for a home cooked meal.
- One who is conceived in a cage yearns for the cage.
Yearning is a desire that may become a motivator.
- Years of yearning alone cannot move a molecule.
- Learning and yearnings tend to increase earnings.
Based on the Wisdom in this Topic
Case of the Missing Mascot
How can two teams resolve a sports prank before the conflict escalates?
- BLUE MEMBER. Some members of Team Blue snuck into the stadium and stole the team mascot of our cross-town rivals, Team Gold. Hearing noise in the trophy room, the Gold team captain figured it out in time to give chase as we took off with their mascot. We entered through the stadium undetected and had a little inside help.
- GOLD MEMBER. Now the chase is on and other Gold team members are in pursuit. If the Blue players reach the bridge before they are stopped, they might throw our mascot into the bay. Losing their mascot could demoralize the Gold team. On the other hand, reaching the Blue team in time might have unpredictable consequences.
Case of the Required Rescue
What is the wisest course of action for a rookie who is commanded to volunteer?
- ROOKIE. The sergeant ordered me to go inside a burning building to search for and rescue anybody who might be trapped. Frankly, I think this is a job for the fire department. They’re better equipped and trained for such a task.
- SERGEANT. I don’t think the fire department will arrive in time if anyone is in there. I’d go himself, but sending my officer is a better division of labour. Besides, hazardous situations come with the oath to serve and protect members of society.
Case of Guard Disregard
How best can employer attend to the welfare of an employee and the company?
- BANKER. I instructed one of our guards, injured during a robbery and placed on medical leave, to apply for an injury pension. This money would go to the bank to reduce the amount we pay the guard while she is on leave. The government ruled that the guard does not qualify for aid since the injury is not permanent.
- GUARD. The bank told me to appeal the government’s decision or lose my wage benefit. Again the decision was negative and again the bank insisted on appealing, hoping the government will give up and pay. The robbery was a life-threatening, degrading incident. Having to recount details of the robbery with each appeal is increasingly difficult for me.
Kindness
Kindness is the tendency to be nice, to be concerned about the welfare of others, to care for them or do deeds that benefit them.
Encouragement is stirring up support or inciting confidence.
- We encourage everyone to wash their hands often to prevent the spread of disease.
- Your kind words have encouraged me to take the driving test again.
To encourage, judge by deeds not merely by defects.
- Encourage others, for people tend to step into their images.
- Praise loudly and blame softly, for more is done by push than pull.
Caring is showing interest or concern.
- Caring does not do for others what they should do for themselves.
- The apprentice paid careful attention to learn how to correctly administer a proper dose.
Caring is reciprocal; you cannot touch someone without being touched in return.
- Kind words, even briefly spoken, have lengthy echoes.
- In each of us is a little of all of us, so treat them as you want to be treated.
Charity is voluntarily helping those in need.
- Familiar examples of charity include a food drive, toy drive, or donating usable clothing for those less fortunate.
- To help someone else is to help yourself in the process.
As much as we are helpful, we will be happy. Helping them, but not doing it for them.
- At times we do more for others by doing less for them.
- The person who gives when asked has waited too long.
Kindliness is the inclination to be friendly, considerate, generous.
- For example, her neighbours kindly took care of the woman’s cat while she was in hospital.
- The judges on a vaudeville who-has-talent show were kind to allow another change after the act went wrong.
Kindness makes the human humane.
- We are made kind by being kind.
- If you are too busy to be kind, then you are too busy.
Compassion is feeling concern for the suffering or misfortune of others.
- Villagers opened their homes out of compassion for the flood refugees.
- The one who shares, cares.
Compassion consists in sharing the interests of others.
- Think of what others ought to be like, then start being that yourself.
- Compassion bears and forbears, gives and forgives.
Helpfulness is being of service, giving aid or useful assistance.
- For example, the hints in the back are helpful if you get stuck on one of the puzzles.
- She was trying to be helpful cleaning up her boyfriend’s apartment only to find he prefers it the way it was.
Criticism from the wise is more helpful than praise from the foolish.
- Intentions often follow the path of least assistance.
- When all is said and done, often more is said than done.
Acceptance is agreeing to receive, undertake, or allow.
- The captain accepted the award on behalf of the team.
- I will accept the sword, as defender of the realm, but never accept the false king on the throne.
It is also self-acceptance and the acceptance of others.
- Accepting good advice increases personal ability.
- On the other hand, refuse to accept anything but the best and that is what you may get.
Hospitality is welcoming, courteous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.
- For example, the ancient Greeks practiced xenia, hospitality to strangers or foreigners, thinking some might be gods in disguise.
- Hospitality is sharing the moment, and not merely the meal.
Hospitality has rituals even in virtual travels and the imagination.
- As a journey, the point of life is the experience along the way.
- The difference between house guest and pest is about three days.
Sensitivity is being aware of the feelings of others and acting to minimize offence.
- For example, knowing he was traumatized by the accident, she spoke softly and patiently.
- I can’t agree with the host’s toast, but this dinner party isn’t the time to discuss it with her.
To make a point but not an enemy, don’t make it too sharp.
- A heated argument can create a chilly atmosphere.
- Enemies are made — not born.
Tact is being considerate of others, sensitive, appropriate under the circumstances.
- For instance, the nurse tactfully hinted that the name they selected for their newborn has a derogatory connotation in this culture.
- “Are you asking how I feel about you? I think you are amazing.” And never again did she ask ‘Does this dress make me look fat.’
Tact is the art of recognizing when to be big and when not to belittle.
- Words break no bones, but do break hearts.
- People with tact have less to retract.
Based on the Wisdom in this Topic
Case of Drill Distraction
What should a receptionist do for the patients, for the office, for herself?
- DENTIST. The receptionist in our dental office sees patients wait with impatience. The muzak helps, but people are left to imagine the worst: drills, picks, needles. More than once she has witnessed a waiting client stiffen, stand, and ask to reschedule.
- RECEPTIONIST. To divert nervous attention, I bring magazines from home. I subscribes mostly to beauty periodicals. These appeal to only a segment of the clientele. I urge the hygienist and dentist to bring in magazines, but so far to no avail even though the patients are theirs.
Case of Culture Clash
How should the government respond to misuse of cultural assimilation?
- GOVT. AGENT. Long ago there was a tribe that became isolated by earthquake fissures. Over the centuries they developed their own culture, separate from every other society. When this lost tribe was eventually rediscovered in the rain forests, our government developed a plan for their cultural assimilation.
- TRIBAL ELDER. The government’s plan included boarding schools for our children to eat, speak, and dress like other children. Our tribal beliefs were regarded as mythology and our children were given additional instruction in science and civics. To the tribe, this amounts to cultural elimination, not assimilation.
Case of Lingering Losers
How best should the host team handle guests who overstay their hospitality?
- GUEST TEAM. Able Bay City is in a geographically large region of Lilac Island. Sports teams from Able Bay City must travel great distances to play against other teams. Visiting players lodge overnight in the homes of local players.
- HOST TEAM. One league team from Able Bay City often loses, yet its players just as routinely ask to stay on an extra day or so in scenic Port Spindrift. It is awkward for the host to refuse, especially when the host team won. Even so, it seems that this losing-streak team is made up more of sightseers than athletes.
Social Intelligence
Social intelligence has to do with relationships involving intimacy and trust, membership, and persuasion.
Communication is sending or sharing information.
- For example, at a loud party, some customers used hand gestures to place their orders with the bartender.
- Listening requires an open mind and closed mouth.
Everything that can be said, can be said clearly.
- To convince others, one must first communicate with them.
- To be effective, a message must be in the recipient’s language of understanding.
Courtesy is being treated with favour out of politeness or respect and not by right.
- For example, it is common courtesy to hold the door open for the person behind you.
- In words (e.g., “thank you,” “excuse me”) or deeds (giving your seat on a crowded bus, knock before opening the closed door of a room), courtesy costs nothing, but buys much.
A little oil of courtesy will save a lot of friction.
- Fix the mistake, not the blame.
- The goal of a critique is to leave the person better than they were before.
Politeness is behaving with courtesy or consideration for the feelings of others.
- For example, you were probably just being polite, but do you really think this is a good hair style for me?
- Be as pleasant as possible and only as nasty as necessary.
It is nice to be important, but more important to be nice
- Rudeness is a weak person’s imitation of power.
- Swearing is a lazy person’s way of trying to be emphatic. (Similarly, profanity is evidence of inadequate vocabulary.)
Discretion is acting carefully so as not to cause offence or reveal private information.
- For example, at the dinner table we discreetly avoid topics on religion or politics.
- “I think you’ve found a new flavour,” she discreetly replied when asked how she like his nearly inedible recipe.
Discretion is thinking before speaking, so you have second thoughts first.
- It is better to ignore an insult, than to avenge it.
- Those who tell secrets can’t keep them.
Friendliness is being pleasant, good-natured, easy to talk to. Friendship is a relationship in which people are honest and understanding with one another, trusting and looking out for each other’s best interests.
- For example, those we work with are friendly acquaintances, but friendship lasts beyond the reason that initially brought them together.
- Most tourists are impressed with the friendliness of the locals on Lilac Island.
Friends let one another grow separately without growing apart.
- The hand that gives, gathers; to have a friend, be one.
- You can’t use your friends and keep them too.
Based on the Wisdom in this Topic
Case of the Call Centre
How should a call-center representative best hand surly customers?
- AGENT. After several attempts to explain why rates have increased, the customer phoning in still could not understand and became short-tempered. As call-in agent, I was feeling abused. I gently, but firmly asked the customer for common courtesy.
- SUPERVISOR. The customer complained to a me, the call-in supervisor on duty. I reviewed the recorded conversation. I started as a call-in rep myself and understand that not all calls are pleasant. Still, handling upset customers is part of the agent’s responsibility.
Case of the Noisy Boys
What behaviour counts as socially acceptable for kids in a quiet neighbourhood?
- NEIGHBOUR. We live in a quiet neighbourhood, or it used to be. A young couple with three boys quickly established themselves as noisy and rude nuisances. Pets were taken indoors; fences were put up. Even so the annoyances continued, especially in summer with the kids out of school.
- HOMEOWNER. We inherited a house in an older neighbourhood. No other kids on the street. One neighbour, overhearing that the boys are allergic to ragweed, just so happened to plant a row of ragweed behind her fence behind our house. Now the boys are indoors and I see more neighbours again out of doors.
Case of Online Attitude
What is the best way to deal with anonymous rudeness online?
- RUDY, POSTER. On a certain web site, members of the public can post comments on news articles. Most posters are simply sheep and their thinking is part of the problem. I help them with a dose of reality, especially on controversial topics. Sometimes the truth hurts, but in my book the end justifies the meanness.
- MAUDE, MODERATOR. Some sites pre-filter comments. We don’t. We remove comments if others complain and ban an IP address for repeated rudeness. The fact is, however, people who belittle will always “be little” with tantrum posts. We have a system where posters can award prestige points. Polite, firm comments tend to get prestige points. Tantrums don’t.